he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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