I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
