I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
