I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
