dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Mom said you looked used
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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