Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize