I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
