I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize