Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
