I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
