He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
