you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ugly people sure do ruin things
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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