How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
