So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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