I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Randomize
