Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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