I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
