my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
