He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
