oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
