you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
