i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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