people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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