I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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