Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
