i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
