I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
