Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
