I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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