i permit you to call me
just come out here and I will go home with you...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
