All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
