how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
