The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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