I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
