so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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