He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
