im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
