He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
