your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize