brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
well you can't waste a boner
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
