guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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