Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
