i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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