So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
