Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
