am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
