Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
