Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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