my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
