I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
