i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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