drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
