Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
