im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
