how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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