I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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