I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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