So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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