And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
