so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
