Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
