Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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