he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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