she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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