I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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