just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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