next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
