Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
