I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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