Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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