I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
