one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How does one acquire holy water?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
