She is in my trunk
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
