I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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