I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
