we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
