since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
