Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize