Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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