Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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