The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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