My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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