Your dad touched me again.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
