That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
